It is nearly 3 am,
I just returned from roasting coffee.
Was going to strip my clothes off and jump into bed,
but I thought about all that smoke from all that coffee just
permeating my pores,
the smell of the burned off sugars, oils,
the deli and its deep fryer—
Sleep would be restless
if I dove into my brushed cotton sheets,
covered in fleece and feathers;
And when I stepped into the shower,
it felt so good,
melting away the harshness of life
like marshmallows dissolving in hot chocolate;
thankful for the water running over my body,
breathing
long, deep exhales with audible
Ohhh and Ahhh;
Adequately wet,
I picked up the patchouli soap, gliding it all over
rinsing as I went—
turning to let the spray reach my left side,
standing in that one position for about
30 seconds;
And I thought, “I always do this, stand like this,
but do I ever switch sides and let the right side of
my body feel the long,
penetrating heat?”
No, never.
I say that in full confidence, for
when the water hit me,
there was an awakening—
Sensations I had never felt before
and I wondered in an instant
"how many other ways do I limit myself
without conscious decision;"
how much of life had I missed?
A profound sadness swept over—
tears, feeling sorry for my lack of
flexibility;
or like a child
who cannot sleep for fear she will
miss-out on fun
(God, what have I missed?)
until I realized
that there was vision in the 1st place,
an openness of spirit,
a love and thirst for life;
having the ability to tell myself that there was something more
in my human experience,
trusting myself,
to turn the other way without
fear
to know true
Freedom.
